My mother is insane!

My mom has been divorced since April 2009. She divorced my ex-step-dad because he met another woman playing a video game online and decided that it was in his best interest to leave his family to go down to Virginia to meet this woman in person. My mother emailed this woman and the woman decided not to pick him up at the bus station so he sat at the bus station a few days while trying to find a way back home to Iowa. Once he returned they tried to work things out but there was another woman and then another until the point that he moved out and they divorced. He is now with the last woman he met off the Internet. I am not his but I saw him as daddy since he raised me more than my actual father did. When I was almost 10 they had my little brother, Scottie. He also had to 2 daughters from a previous relationship but they pretty much only wanted anything to do with any of us when they wanted something or they were sent to spy on our family and report back to their mother. Anyways, I emailed him at one point and told him that he needed to stop having contact with her so that she had a chance to get over him but come to find out later on she has been having the contact with him and his new girlfriend. During this whole ordeal I was dealing with my own issues from my own divorce due to an abusive husband so I was already an emotional wreck let alone having to deal with this and my mother.

So, here we are 4 months over a year since her divorce and she has completely changed. I don't even know who this woman is cause she is not my mom by any means. She has become a woman that guilt trips me for not doing what she wants or for disagreeing with her. She has been in therapy for months now and all this therapist does is enable her immature, childish and ungodly behaviors. I am honestly thrilled that this woman is moving to a different company in a different town and that my mom has no license to continue seeing her.

My mom use to be a semi-confident, happy, open-minded, independent, mature woman until he left. Now she is constantly nagging me about doing this for her or doing that for her then guilt tripping me when I don't say or do what she wants when she wants. She depends on us kids to take care of her and do everything for her...my 20 year old little brother lives at home still but his SSI is the ONLY income in the house and at 20 years old he is taking care of his 50 year mother who has been trying to get SSI for years and turned down every time. Over the past 2 days I have been considering seeing if he would like to move in with my husband and I temporarily. It would take alot off his plate for responsibilities and help us out somewhat. Anyways, back to my mother...she just isn't my mom anymore and I have been considering pushing the delete on her being any part of my life until she gets her act together....I don't want to....she is my mom and I love her but she puts a damper on my life and my walk with God. This is a woman who was my best friend along with being a great mom. We talked about anything and everything without tension but now I am to the point that I can't even stand to be around her or talk to her. That is heart-breaking for me.

Recently, her and my ex-step-dad's daughter have had contact...she promised me she wouldn't have contact with him anymore so this has become her way of having indirect contact with him and his life....by having contact with his family members...so far it has been his daughter and his mother. Anyhow, she came down to my mom's house supposedly to see her brother who is her half brother. Anyways, she calls me to tell me she is disappointed that she hadn't shown up yet that she was looking forward to seeing her and her granddaughter. EXCUSE ME?! I swear my jaw dropped to the ground...she isn't your step-daughter anymore and that little girl is not your granddaughter. You don't have ANY grand kids yet! She sees nothing wrong with this...this is a desperate and pathetic attempt to hold onto a man that left our family and cheated on you emotional for years and you are grasping onto anything or any kind of contact with him or his family just to keep that hold. Yea I am sure that is a healthy way to go about getting over him and the whole situation.

Anyways, she was seeing a guy that was 10 years older than she is...he was nice, kind and worshipped the ground she walked on even after trashing all over him for months. He bought her roses, a new coffeepot, ect. Recently this guy moved to the state next to us and he has no vehicle as of this point. I was over there and we were talking about him...she had made the comment of the fact that she COULD have fallen in love with him and that she missed his company...here I was thinking that was sweet,,,then she continues with saying oh man now that he is gone I will never get that shelf/hutch/curio shelf I wanted for my birthday. Once again my jaw dropped to the ground in a flash and I was thinking WHAT?! You missed out on a guy that you treated like dirt but still worshipped you and you are more concerned about a cabinet?! You CANNOT be serious?! So now all I can think is that she was using this guy.

So, we go to the same church for Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night services. Our Pastor's wife picks her up for services and she comes in on our Wednesday night class with a picture she printed off of her computer of his girlfriend to show our Pastor's wife and she continues to bring it in to class with her and shows our class and proceeds to tell who the picture is of. Ok, now call me crazy but am I wrong that she sounds like an obsessed loony toon here??!!

Anyways, she runs into his ex-roommate from after he moved out and he tells her they got married. Now this roommate isn't exactly trustworthy so she has the audacity to ask me if they got married because I talked to his girlfriend ONCE to warn them that his daughter gave my mom his new cell phone number....since she thinks that we now talk all the time and are best of friends. Personally, I see it as none of her business if they got married or not...it is not her life anymore so she needs to leave it alone and move on rather than put us kids in the middle and then use and abuse us in the process. We can only take so much and I at that point had had enough and I let this all out to her. I tried my hardest to keep it gentle but firm. However, she started in that I was judging her and guilt tripping me for saying anything. So, my husband sees how upset I am getting over this confrontation and calls her and IM's her and she gives me this whole thing on it being between her and I and it was wrong for me to involve him...I didn't involve him...he was reading what was going on and involved himself...he has that right....I am his wife and I was getting upset so yea he got involved. That is what a real husband does...defends his wife when she is upset and being attacked by a lunatic. Keep in mind this all really started over her saying she had forgiven him and then her making the statement that he could go to he**. Sorry but if you have forgiven someone those kinds of statements don't come out of your mouth in any form. I was abused in every way by my ex-husband but after I left and we got divorced I have NEVER said that to or about him. Once my husband and I were going through pre-martial counseling for our wedding in April...I started realizing some things about myself, my 1st marriage and how things turned out. Since that point I have taken up praying for him whole-heartedly for him to hit that point where he realizes that he needs God in his life and comes back to the Lord and it not just be an act like it was while we were married. He may have been horrible in the end but I married him because I was truly in love with who he was....why would I want something horrible for him?

So, now I am at that point of do I or don't I need to cut her out of my life until she gets things in her life straight. I really don't know if it is my head or my heart or God telling me to. It is simply not an easy thing to be able to tell the difference between. I however did talk to the leader of our class last night and she understands my need to possibly do that. She too had to do the same thing in the beginning of her marriage. She also recognizes the behaviors that I do and I am sure if I asked Pastor's wife she has noticed them too. Her behaviors are obsessive, immature, childish, and plain ungodly in so many ways. She can't see it and everyone continues to enable her to those behaviors. She needs to be in therapy with someone with a Christian perspective that can help her move on and strengthen her walk with God not tell her it is ok to act in those ways. She only seems to talk or call to us if she wants/needs something such as a taxi service to the store....we have literally become her taxi service among other things. I feel used and abused and straight up frustrated by all this. Then she assumes that I have anger issues with him simply because I get agitated whenever she speaks of him...HELLO! The divorce was over a year ago...I have moved on and am over it. Yea I don't like what he did but there is no changing it now...I have forgiven him and wish him and his new lady luck. I hope they get their lives right with God and have a great Godly marriage if they are or are going to get married. I get agitated because of HER...talking about him, contacting him, contacting his family, deleting me off friends lists just because I express my opinions and advice, playing the pity me game and using everyone she can. Guess what we aren't always going to be there...it is high time to put on the big girl panties and take care of yourself, not have everyone do it for you. The enablers need to move on, the victim/pity me games need to stop and the maturity level needs to rise to a respectable level because the respect at this point is little to none thanks to all of this mama drama. Your children are suffering, the people you have contact with are suffering and most important of all your walk with God is suffering. He shouldn't be a crutch for you to feel better about yourself, your life, etc. Your heart is blackened and He knows it...could be why the nightmares continue and all the prayers have not been working.

I think that I am finished with this blog...it is a long one. We will she where God leads me in this situation.