Drama Free

So, since all the no contact has taken place...it has been drama free around here. Quiet and serene overall. I did send her an e-card for her birthday(23rd) though. 

I received an email from my ex-step-dad last night. I had been debating on emailing him for a few weeks now to apologize for the last email I had sent him since it wasn't so nice. So, I finally got off my butt and did it so he responded. Honestly, I hate what he did but I have no right to judge it considering I did the same thing to David. I know...I realize that some people justify that behavior because of the abuse I was taking in but even so...I was married to him still and I had no right falling in love with Derek and pursuing anything with him until things were final with David and I. However, I don't regret it because if it were meant to happen any other way if would have. One thing that I came away from was no regrets ever. 

I can't forget what he did but I sure as heck can forgive him for it. It wasn't fair for Scottie and I to have to choose sides. No child should grow up without their dad...no matter how badly they wronged the other spouse. I know what it is like to grow up without a dad...it is traumatizing. To have a guy walk in and take over as dad and you not be their blood is a good man. I think what it came down to is one partner not feeling the same as the other partner. When I left David, he knew that I had no love for him anymore...I told him. From his end, he didn't care whether I loved him or not...he wanted me to stay. How would that have been fair to him?? I wasn't trying to be completely selfish with my choice...I was thinking of him too. 

Now I don't know if his reasons were anywhere near what mine were but if so...who am I to talk?! I don't think that my mom understands that. I was a hypocrite for that entire time this whole thing was going on and yes this time I was being selfish. I was devastated by what was going on. He was the only guy I ever knew as daddy and then poof he was gone. Mom is blood so I naturally thought I had no choice but to choose her side...I am still on her side but I can't justify hating him just because she does when I did the same thing. Does that make sense?

The thing that gets me is how she can so blindly look at the situation. for 1...it makes her no better than David when it comes to the whole situation and 2...how in the world could she not see the anger and irritation was aimed towards her always doing this or doing that having to do with him...how could she assume I have anger towards him when it was her constantly talking about him, to him or his family. Am I missing something here?

How can she print out a picture of his girlfriend and bring it to church to show everyone that will look a year after the divorce? How can she contact his mom and daughter and have the nerve to call his grand-daughter...her grand-daughter and not see anything wrong with that? That is like me running around saying that Danielle(David's niece) is still my niece and that her little girl is my great-niece. 

I love my mom but her life right now is not stable. Glen was a good guy. He was good to her. He was perfect for her and I think that he gave her that little bit of stability that she had for a while until he left. She simply cannot see that I want what is best for her and that isn't always going to be what she wants or what she wants to hear. Sorry to say...I am not wrong and I refuse to be forced into saying I am when I am indeed not. If she wants to not talk to me until I say that I am wrong she is going to be waiting a LOOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time.  

Anyways, Derek should be home any time now so I am going to end there for now. Hugs to all!