So, as I stated in my previous post...my mom has a tendency to go into messengers and various social sites and delete me and probably block me from her friends lists whenever I say/do something she doesn't like and yet again she has done so.
I don't know if she will read this blog too or not but I want to state that Derek has nothing to do with my decisions. I have my own mind and thoughts and Derek encourages me and knows that he cannot influence them in any way. Yes he is always on my side...because he is my husband and that is the way that it should be. If you don't have your spouse in your corner at all times...I see no point to being married to them. I do not want you to think he is why any of this is the way it is because it really has nothing to do with him. I know he is bias which is why I try to not talk to him about it other than to vent (hence why I started this blog, so I wouldn't have to vent to him so much). That is also why I have talked to a few people in our church that I trust and can guide me in a Godly manner to what I need to do in a non-biased perspective.
Honestly, I feel that my little brother has grown up in a home that was very hypocritical. He was taught in church one thing and then his parents rarely led by example. That in my opinion is why his perspective of religion is so extremely jaded and easily influenced now. I will forever pray for his salvation but until he is in an environment that is more stable and represented by people that can guide him by leading by example, I really don't think it will happen. I just hope he knows that he will always be able to have a place here as long as it is ok with my husband. No it isn't as a punishment or whatever you are thinking...it is more as a stable safety net for him where he can save up for his own life and not be taking care of anyone but himself and his future. He and I may not see eye to eye but he is my baby brother and I love him...I don't like to see him so emotionally screwed up like I was. It isn't fair to him to feel like he HAS to take care of his mom simply because she doesn't feel the ability to take care of herself just because of a man. What happened to all men are horrible, you don't need a man to be happy and take care of everything for you...I grew up hearing this all throughout my life and I paid for it dearly by pushing every man that meant anything to me away.
As for the messege left on my voicemail...I never once said anything about running you out of our church. I have been trying for months to get you to go into counseling with Pastor Mike. I talked to Charlene because of the reasons above...I asked for the group to pray for you and Scottie...when Mike asked where you were I told him I didn't know because we again weren't speaking. Charlene knew of the last time and asked ME what was going on and I told her tidbits of what I wrote in that 1st blog. I did NOT lie to her, I told her exactly what was going on, what caused it and how I felt about all of it. Neither Derek nor I have an issue with you staying in the class so you are the one making the issue of it. I never once said that you had an evil heart...all I said was that it isn't right with God and blackened by bitterness and anger and a lot of people are ignoring it and feeding the fire by encouraging the behaviors that cause it. You need to get your facts straight before causing unneeded drama.
I love you, sweetie!
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